Split hairs

This was a piece I wrote for my writing group (unedited). We write words or phrases, then put them all in a bucket. We then draw one out and then spend 10 to 15 minutes writing on it. The phrase was “split hairs.”

Split hairs are hard to find but you know they’re there. For some reason, you just know when it’s time to get a hair cut. Something just feels off.

I feel “off” and “on” at the same time.

I am trying to really get at the “me” that is within.

But where do I find her?

Or maybe it’s useless because the more I try to find her, the more I push her away.

I want to live fully and be okay with it.

For some reason, I am not okay with my split hairs.

I am always trying to go get a hair cut

As if the change will turn me into the me I’d always dreamed I would be

But the problem is, whenever I get my split hairs cut off

They come back. It seems there are more and more of them.

So many problems. Why do I only see the problems?

The problems become me.

I want to at once be rid of the split hairs and embrace them.

Will I ever learn the art of doing this?

Is it even possible?

I am peace while I am raging

I am still while I am incessantly moving

I am free while also focused

I am rigid and smooth

I am whole and broken

I am cold and warm

I am stagnant and I am productive

I am lively and dull

I am childlike and mature

I am steady and fragile

I filled with hope for tomorrow and drowning in despair

I am light and I am swimming in my heaviness

Lord when will these extremes end?

Or can I just allow myself to flow into them

In and out breathing on my waves

I will reach the finish line

Whether I have curly or straight hair

Damp or dry

A bob or buzz cut

Perfect Barbie hair

Wavy or frizzy

Stylish or split hairs

It is all of me and I have learned to live with it.

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2 comments

  1. Nate · July 9, 2013

    Great poem! As you know I love paradox… And hate it too I suppose! Trust me, dear sister, the extremes don’t end ever. They just get wider and your ability to live in the midst of that is the mark of your growth and maturity.

    I can’t wait for you to crack open nature and the human soul. And I can’t wait to see you in a month.

    Love, Nate

    • preciouslinda2012 · July 10, 2013

      I really like what you wrote here. It’s very thought-provoking. This morning, as I read the “opposites” in the latter half of your blog, I thought of the scripture in 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 where it says: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

      The opposites you described remind me of the struggle to remain faithful concerning what we cannot see, when all we oftentimes see is the “jar of clay.” It reminds me of the struggles we have about faith and living in this world and how some of the opposites you mentioned could be the difference between seeing ourselves and the world through the eyes of a “jar of clay” or through the eyes of faith from a “jar of clay, filled with the Spirit and the power of God” and how through God’s power in our jars of clay, we can be “hard pressed on every side, but not crushed” or experience faith in the middle of the ups and downs in life, knowing that it is the power of God living in us and our faith in Him and His power that gets us safely through.

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