This was a piece I wrote for my writing group (unedited). We write words or phrases, then put them all in a bucket. We then draw one out and then spend 10 to 15 minutes writing on it. The phrase was “split hairs.”
Split hairs are hard to find but you know they’re there. For some reason, you just know when it’s time to get a hair cut. Something just feels off.
I feel “off” and “on” at the same time.
I am trying to really get at the “me” that is within.
But where do I find her?
Or maybe it’s useless because the more I try to find her, the more I push her away.
I want to live fully and be okay with it.
For some reason, I am not okay with my split hairs.
I am always trying to go get a hair cut
As if the change will turn me into the me I’d always dreamed I would be
But the problem is, whenever I get my split hairs cut off
They come back. It seems there are more and more of them.
So many problems. Why do I only see the problems?
The problems become me.
I want to at once be rid of the split hairs and embrace them.
Will I ever learn the art of doing this?
Is it even possible?
I am peace while I am raging
I am still while I am incessantly moving
I am free while also focused
I am rigid and smooth
I am whole and broken
I am cold and warm
I am stagnant and I am productive
I am lively and dull
I am childlike and mature
I am steady and fragile
I filled with hope for tomorrow and drowning in despair
I am light and I am swimming in my heaviness
Lord when will these extremes end?
Or can I just allow myself to flow into them
In and out breathing on my waves
I will reach the finish line
Whether I have curly or straight hair
Damp or dry
A bob or buzz cut
Perfect Barbie hair
Wavy or frizzy
Stylish or split hairs
It is all of me and I have learned to live with it.