There’s so much more to who you are, I believe, than what I’d always thought. It’s too complex for me to put into words, the existence of life, of people, goes so much deeper than most of us realize, how spirituality is so alive in everything. How could you NOT exist? But not only You as the Creator, but You as the one who holds each of our hearts in your own. It’s hard to see that when I look at someone else, that you have the same fierce love for each person as if he/she were your only child. I guess I get jealous and possessive because I can’t fathom your constant presence with me.
No matter the Truth it’s hard to stop and listen for you in the rustling leaves and chirping birds. Something tells me You’re off doing something miraculous like healing someone or stopping a car accident or war or something. How could you take up your time to just sit here with me, not in a sad moment or happy moment, just a pondering moment in which my heart is searching, not wanting to once again stumble upon the realization of deadness, desperation.
Just stay with me in my moment in my nice, sturdy haven of remembrance, solitude. Focusing on the feeling of breeze on bare legs, the wisping of leaves and blades of grass, I try to let nothing from yesterday or tomorrow come to me. While my unsteady breath reminds me I’m not in this moment, but I’m trying to be.
Wishing the sun would come back to me, furthering my thoughts from the reality of chaos that is coming. Somehow I choose chaos for myself. I’ll try not to go there. I give thanks for this moment of surrender.
The red cardinal has come to me on a low branch singing his tune as if just for me. Looking around and singing away because that is his role in life. Louder and louder until he zooms away and his song stops. Now I do feel he was singing before only because he had an audience! Now his song begins again for anyone else who has the ears to listen.