Prayer of the Beloved

(from 11-29-09)

Dear God,
I’m writing because it’s all I can really do right now,
imagining that I’m curled up on your lap just resting,
with no need to talk
or explain the depths of this insanity brewing over and over.
This mug of thoughts that is my brain,
stirring and stirring, bubbling and it never stops.
I am so aware of this beauty that is my brain,
the beauty I see in me because I am a part of You.
Breathing in deeply I have an incredible sense of security,
knowledge that I am just where you want me.
Because no matter how much I go back or plow forward,
nothing quite matters like this moment.
Where for once I am freed from my ceaseless questions,
my heart is jumping in anticipation, hope and surrender
rather than bitterly and confusedly nursing its wounds.
I lay here forcing the world to shut out its noise
trying to disconnect my real brain from invading my solace,
my hope of a life like this rather than just a moment.
But I have to continue with my knowledge of the beauty of Your presence
and my peace in just a simple segment in time.
While the knots threaten to enlarge moving from stomach to chest, to head,
I imagine them as powder gone
and only visible to me is Your face,
the only thing I feel is Your arms, secure and completely calm.
No hauntings, no fears, no weaknesses,
plaguing destructive thoughts that stab me.
I know who I am and never want to leave this sacred place.
But why will this moment end?
Oh, LORD, when my inevitable humanity rips me from your Arms,
I pray to help me find my way back.
Again, and again. And again, I pray.
Because you will never tire of Your daughter,
Your beloved one,
the one You love, can never love more, never love less.

Amen.

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