Forgotten Identity

Noises and colors mesh and I am sitting here trying to breathe. Deep into myself. I don’t know where the breathing will lead. And I just forgot who I am. My right hand is icy cold and I am tired of trying to warm it up. My brain is so scattered I feel like an hour ago was not even my life. How can I sit here and seem at peace but inside I cannot get my breathing to flow properly? I am looking for solace and I feel like I have no home. Now the sun has gone down and I told my roommate we could take a walk. But I have let the darkness come before the light. Sometimes they get so loud: the thoughts, feelings I don’t know how they can even be a part of me. How can I shift so swiftly and why do I feel like an alien in my own skin? I am trying to embrace this shift and not judge it. Let it in and out. I am so sick of trying to figure everything out. Will I not just rest in the confusion? Accept that I may never understand how I click and hope that someone will love me regardless of my forgotten identity?

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One comment

  1. Nate Bettger · January 8, 2012

    Good words Britt. Good you are noticing and being honest about it. Sometimes the negative feelings are not negative and the dark is not dark. Being there is the beginning of moving through it. Or perhaps we never move through it because it is with us always. The emptying always comes before the filling. Think phillipians 2. You are on your way dear sister. You have an identity and I see that is is a good one.

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