the Sun of my soul

I try to do these nature writings every so often. They are good for the soul. This is one I did from a while back while on a retreat at Villa Maria Retreat Center with the high school students I used to work with.

Putter of a woodpecker far away
Like the sound of an old door opening
Chirp-chirp-chirp-chip-pew-pew: happy bird

Bl-l-l-l-l: faraway queen
Coo-hoo-oh-hoo sad restful mourning dove
The sound of an accordian closing
A ruffly sound of a water bird
Ceep-ceep-eep-eep like a tiny baby animal begging for help
Brr bohaho-oh-a-ee: a really good whistler
Cheee Chee
Fee Fee
Honk-like a dog attack

Sitting on some raffia-like straw
I am trying to capture the sounds
That I never let myself hear
Gnats blurring my view
They huddle together then dart off
invisible if not for the angle of the sun
The fiery warmness holds me here
Although I feel it fading by the second
I don’t want it to go
It’s like I waited this long for it to come and I can barely enjoy it
The sun accentuates everything else
Everything I sense is wrapped in its goodness

Two birds with long beaks just flew by
They sound like animals crying a death cry

And everything I don’t like comes
When the sun sets
I feel the creepy bugs
Something tickling my neck
The gnats might come back
This cold is a little too cold
And the mourning dove’s cry is a little too sad
But the happy bird’s chirp is nearer, keeping me stronger
Come back to me you cheeper of joy and of love
I want to be filled with goodness
I want to forget the badness, the pain, the confusion and the terrors that tomorrow brings

No more happy bird.
Oh no. Your tune makes me forget.
Nothing can compare to its beauty.
I need some warmth
When the sun isn’t enough
It inevitably falls every day
The trees, their branches are
Scraping away my securities
The sun’s rays are slipping away
And I’m left cold-FREEZING-and scared
What can replace the knowledge of being known and cared for
The feelings this puts in you?
Not having to live to please
But just living for His pleasure?
your joy is founded by His joy and
It can never end.
Even when the sunlight stretches down to kiss the ground
And says goodbye until tomorrow
I have to share the sun with the world
But my God I don’t have
To share him with anyone
Because there’s plenty of His love to go around
I need never feel like His sun has left me

But I know the coldness comes
And I wish I could stab it back to its dungeon
Because my safety is where
I keep living
Fully alive
In knowledge of the Truth
That everything good I experience is a gracious gift
And that I can learn from  every difficult experience
And there will be many far too many to name
But the sun still shines-at least in a different part of the world
And the happy bird will fly under you when
You can’t utter more than a broken scream for mercy

The sun streaming into my eyes
Is the joy and serenity I live for
And even if it’s not visible every day…
It will be there when I need it most which is ALWAYS
It is the eternal pleasure that outweighs all of the worthless idols
I throw in its way to please my never-ending desires
I am blinding myself to my Savior, my Sun, the Son.

~written on April 8, 2006


One comment

  1. 4valentines4words4poetry4you · August 7, 2011

    this is very interesting and lovely poem keep it up its good from kevin i enjoyed it.

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