Thoughts for today…

I have been having thoughts lately. That is not abnormal of course. I have established that I am different than a lot of people. I think a lot…a LOT. It is hard for me to stop thinking. Here is a sample…I don’t know if I want to be called a Christian because I don’t want people to think I am “one of those” annoying people, but I also don’t want to be ashamed to be called one. Because I literally am a Christian-“follower of Christ.” People can think what they want. But I DO really care what they think…But I am still confused. How do I know for sure Christianity is the “right” religion? All I know is I am done with religion but I am not done with the One who saved my life. Speaking of which, I am starting another blog about depression. I have been thinking a lot about my dreams. I sometimes don’t think I have any…but I do. My main one being I’d like to be a writer and I believe God wants me to stop hiding my gift. I was convicted of this after reading a great book called The Soul Tells a Story last year. Today I talked to my brother Nate and he gave me some ideas about how to get people to read my stuff, even though, of course, I have major performance anxiety and am terrified of what people think of me (see above). Obviously, this one thing (obsessing over making everyone happy) is my main barrier in life. I have always struggled with it…for reasons I won’t get into here. But I’m sick of it. I want to be carefree. I want to stop thinking I suck at everything I try to do and quitting doing things that once brought me joy just because I am not perfect at them. I want to stop being envious of people in my life who have what I supposedly want (mostly women) instead of enjoying the wonderful position I am in right now in life. Oh God, I can’t wait to be free. I know I am more free than I have ever been but I have such a LONG way to go.

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3 comments

  1. Matt McCrorey · June 14, 2011

    Hey Britt,

    Just wanted you to know that you are awesome, super smart, and talented. I wish you the best and hope you are enjoying the summer!

  2. Matt McCrorey · June 14, 2011

    Oh, and love the look of your new blog.

  3. Diana Yias Vaj · July 24, 2011

    Brittany, don’t ever let anyone define your relationship with God. That’s between you and God only. I don’t proclaim myself to be Christian (or at least not yet), but I do know that God works in ways we’ll never understand. Those who tell you that you’re not Christian enough, or that you’re much too Christian are spiteful people who want to control and decide things for you. Don’t ever let your faith waiver for anyone else but you and God. And I’m sure he knows that you’re trying hard.

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