I don’t want to feel like being alone is a bad thing, but that is what I am a lot of times. About an hour ago, I was again looking online at mattresses. There are many things I don’t mind and actually prefer doing alone-grocery shopping, clothes shopping, driving, cooking, eating, bathing. But when contemplating mattress shopping alone, it is painful. My roommate and closest friend is on a date tonight. She’ll be gone all weekend too. Luckily my younger bro is in town from Germany and we get to see each other on Saturday.
I am very hazy in my aloneness at the moment. Alone does not usually equal loneliness for me. I sometimes try and force my introverted self to do things that involve people. On weeknights. My one or two weeknights that I am not at either at a church small group, grad school, counseling appt, working out, shopping, etc., all of which involve interaction with humans. All this, after I’ve spent 7 hours with little people already. I have this internal checker that makes sure I don’t make people think I am a loner or something. Obviously it is okay that I want to come home and be alone and especially today when I spent the majority of the day in the throes of a migraine.
But there is a little part of me that wishes someone would call, even if I don’t really want to talk to them. Just to know that someone was thinking of me.