>I got one call for subbing today. Technology ed at a local “close-to” inner city high school. And I just sat there staring at the phone and then logged on to the website and stared at it. Pretty soon someone will take it and I won’t have to make a decision. Well, I could have a job today. But, of course, in a few minutes, the job was no longer available because of my inactivity. I pictured myself supervising a bunch of young men (and women) doing woodwork or something…it wasn’t really fear it was just…inactivity. That’s what I do when I don’t want to make a decision. Now I don’t have a choice.
I am not working today and I am trying not to say, “You should have” every two seconds.
I am in a lot of pain, physical especially. The last three days or so I have experienced lots of muscle tension in my neck and back. Trying to stretch and exercise on Wednesday seemed to make it worse. OF course, the common thought was “You’re doing somethin wrong.” And then, “You’re fine. Suck it up.” Then, “What if something’s really wrong?” THen I used my roomie Jen’s massager and nwo it’s really sore!!! So I scheduled a massage (since it’s half off) at a nearby place for today at 5! I am excited for that “me” time although I still feel guilty for not working. I hope the massage doesn’t make the pain worse. That I am really able to relax.
More on my depression in the next post…since I have the whole day ahead of me…